Conscientious Objectors

From the Records of Kari Krex

One of these days I will join a group that doesn’t make me want to poke my eyes out. We reached a village of creepy happy people. Happy people are rarely to be trusted. I’ve had enough experience with creepy, creepy annoying happy people to know the happiness is a mask for their twisted and sick insides, but the group wanted to go so I go with the group.

We made camp at this village which welcomed us with food and lodgings and I couldn’t be bothered to care. All the rest of them were partying and I kept an eye out. My employers, the Big Clumsy People, didn’t think I saw but they snuck into the shaman’s hut.

Nibodo Lumbe got drunk and ran off with an assortment of women and one half and half but I don’t know if he knew that or not. I sat outside by the fire with that snot Kol. The sun had gone down but the village was still bustling with drinks and song. What a snot, that Kol, sitting by himself and roasting chicken. Met a nice young man eyeing Kol with smouldering wanting. Stuck up his ass, Kol. Maybe if he opened his heart to opportunities he wouldn’t be such a sad waste of space. I watched the man and it was a little tragic his butterfly glances and twitching smile, as if he was imagining the scenario of actually talking to Kol, embarrassed by his hypothetical self. Go up to my friend, I say. He’s just shy.

The young man approached Kol and you’d think no one had ever introduced himself to Kol before. Snot was skittish and didn’t speak the same language as the young man so I set aside my dislike for Kol and helped translate. The young man offered Kol pickled eyeballs, a delicacy of his people. Kol pretended to reject the proffering but I could tell by the way his lips touched the eyeball the man tried to put in his mouth that he was merely starting a slow seduction. I know when to leave men to their games and let them be.

Big Clumsy People made noise at the shaman’s hut and I learned later the shaman told them the creepy happy people wanted to sacrifice us to monsters. Hells no. I did not sign up to be sacrificed like a dumb animal. The BCP got sacrificial sludge to trap the monster, which turned out to be three ape bears. Kol and I joined the BCP in fighting these ape bears while N’Kechi slept off his mead and Nibodo slept with his girls. I fatally wounded the monsters and all I got was orders to go follow a treasure map the shaman gave the BCP.

I hope I get paid for this.


Very nice! The emotional heart of the evening was clearly Kol’s budding relationship with the villager, so I’m glad you brought that out in the narrative. :)

From the Records of Kari Krex
tbug aurabright

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